I was only 15 and I was perfectly happy until it happened. In school I was a regular guy, not the popular type. And this very bizarre thing happened. I began to notice sudden mood swings and strange feelings inside me. Whenever I was at the playground , I noticed soft winds blowing, dry leaves falling, the football 'flying', tugged out shirts of the boys, sweat drops falling, eyes, the sweet smells, everything! It was spontaneous. I had never paid attention to those things before. Something really strange was happening to me, I realized. At the playground, our bodies touched, our hands touched, our eyes met........and he was the one; this love shit managed to find me......and hey, a guy?? What the hell?? But the feeling was stronger than the curiosity. That day, returning home on my bicycle, I took the long way home, because the feeling was just too intense. I passed the church gate and the soft winds began blowing, making the pink and yellow leaves and flowers fall on me as I rode by. And did I mention his smile? Wow! But it never worked out well. He is a straight guy....

Sunday, August 29, 2010


This blog is actually about me writing everything I learn about myself...........but lately i am not having the time to blog. College keeps me busy.

Well there's not many my kind of guys around. My city is really homophobic. But luckily, the other day I managed to find another gay guy. And it was a big relief. At least I found someone with whom I can share my deepest feelings. No more pretending to enjoy the all guys' talk about how big a girl's boobs are!!  

But I still feel ice cubes sliding down my spine when somebody asks me if I have a girlfriend. I just try everything to divert the topic, then. If i find myself getting entangled, I just say 'it's complicated!'.

So this guy is a little bit effiminate ( no offence) and he's fun to be with. I never thought he was gay before because i never thought effiminate men could be gay. Yea I know I was a fag for thinking that( that is one type of stereotyping and i regret it now). So we talked and now I can talk about what I want to talk. He's going through the same process, I guess...

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Starting this blog

I am an eighteen year old and just three years ago I found I out I am gay. I not yet over my first love although I know he's straight...